Friday, January 18, 2008

Terror at Baxter U

I think I may have to take a week off from watching the Tomb of Terrors collection. I just had the pleasure of being in my first ever car accident last night, and I frankly don’t need the grief of watching a group of non-filmmaker’s shitty attempt at crafting a horror movie just for this site. So yeah, perhaps this one didn’t have as much of a chance with me going in as some other films I’ve watched, but it’s still every bit as bad as any other film I’ve yet seen on this set.

The movie’s about a series of murders at a college, which would initially lead one to assume it’s a slasher movie, if not for how they repeatedly beat into our heads that this is clearly the menace of the deadly chupacabra, which someone has summoned to life there to feed upon the student body. The movie’s fundamental ineptness can be witnessed just from how they keep hammering home that it feeds on the Mexican Day of the Dead, which we Americans celebrate as Halloween. This despite them being on different days, and having nothing to do with each other whatsoever, yes.

The movie pretty much has no redeeming features whatsoever. There is not a single likeable character to be found; the supporting characters are all obnoxious idiots, and the main character, who I guess we’re supposed to get behind, has such an obnoxious, scene killing stutter that you begin praying for his death right from when he first opens his mouth. The attempts at humor are just delightful, as apparently one guy dressing up as a clown for a Halloween party and spending a tedious length of time staggering around on the streets drunk and peeing in a park is just the height of comedy to whatever morons made this. The murder scenes are made so clumsily, with tons of fast-cutting and red filters placed over the lens, that you can’t even see what the hell’s going on. If it’s better than The Traveler, that’s only because it’s twenty minutes shorter.

I’m not asking for all that much from this collection. If there’s just one good movie per disc among the crap, I’ll be quite content. So far I’ve made it through the first disc, and Disk Jockey was the only one that was even halfway decent. The film that I had specifically bought the set for (I won’t say it just now, so it can be a fun surprise for later) doesn’t come up until the ninth disc, and I can only hope that I’ll be able to hold out that long. Confidence is really not high at the moment.

Rating: Zero stars

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