Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Nightmare Museum

Well, I do always say that I watch these films in the hopes of seeing something I have never seen before, and this certainly delivers in that regard. After this, I think I can make do with some more standard films again.

So yeah, you remember that sex scene in Team America, where two of the puppets got naked and had crazy monkey sex? Now imagine that stretched out over an hour’s running length, and apparently not done for laughs. Yes, this is a vaguely sci-fi adventure set in the year XXX3 where we get a group of Barbie and Ken dolls that have sex for about an hour (interspersed with shots of food when a robot kills one of them) before the abrupt Godzilla-style fight at the end. As an added benefit, all the characters are voiced by actual porn stars, so we can get the moans and dirty talk as accurate as possible.

I have no idea how to interpret this movie. It’s almost as if they just took a regular porn movie and re-enacted the entire thing with dolls, which suggests both that writer/director Igor Pickles (whose only other credit is the prequel Erotic Avengers) has a fetish above and beyond anything I’ve got and that there is a distinct possibility that the porn star voice acting was directly taken from another film and so they may not even be aware that they appear in this film. Now, I’m not saying that’s definitely the case -- after all, once you start having sex for money, being paid to be the voice of a doll that’s having sex can’t be any worse -- but given the cheapness of both this film and the other films in this set, I can’t really rule it out. And why is it in a set of horror movies? And why did this have to be one of the next films for me to review when I’m frantically sending out job applications?

So should you see this? Well, if you’ve made it this far into the review, then you already know whether you want to see it or not. I give it a negative review, as it’s a terrible movie, and more importantly, not my personal brand of perversion (to put it mildly), but there are absolutely people out there that would drool at the thought of this. If you happen to be one of them, please don’t tell me.

Rating: ½ *

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